49. Spy on a Tinder Date (guest edited by Lotti)

What do you do with your Sunday evenings?  If it's not spying on your friend's first date with a stranger whilst wearing large sunglasses and a hat with cat ears, you're not living.

We allowed the hopeful Love Birds an hour to acclimatise, to warm up and get past the awkward nervous tensions.  In we stalked; Anett clad in all black including large sunglasses channelling her inner Jennifer Garner circa Alias, and I, my best detective mac and conspicuous cat-eared cap.  

Exhibit A: spy attire

We sloped to a table within range, close enough to take detailed notes - taken down detective style - but far enough away not to be too obvious when taking photographs.  

Exhibit B: remaining inconspicuous

And here we begin the notes; henceforth Philippa will be referred to as 'The Subject', the unnamed man 'The Date':

• The Subject and The Date are laughing.  A good sign.  Subject clocks us, we nod and take our positions.
• The Date is wearing flip-flops and shorts (Lotti is aghast).  Would suggest he's a little too laid back to function.
• The Subject is wearing her seriously tight jeans and sheer blouse.  Seductive, but not great when consuming large quantities of liquid.  Regular Wee Trips a strong possibility.
• The Subject is leaning in across the table.  The Date may be leaning away but his outstretched feet resting inches from The Subject's betrays his lust.
• Another One Bites The Dust plays. Foretelling the future?
• The Subject displays a coquettish head tilt and splendid eyelash fluttering, our menu fell down in the breeze.
• The Date responds positively.  Leans in.
• Body language is being mirrored.  Golly, get your coats this is going well.
• Things get even sexier, Muse plays [ed. note: Lotti says Muse makes her clothes melt]
• The plot thickens.  We're interrupted by 2 slightly inebriated chaps.  We're offered beverages, politely decline but they sit down anyway.
• We tell them the plan, after some minor judgement they agree to join in.  (Hereafter they shall be referred to as Drunks 1 & 2)

  

  Exhibit C: Drunks 1 and 2

• Phase 2 begins.  Kicks up a gear.  We're heading in.
• Drunks 1 & 2 head over to the table adjacent to The Subject and The Date's
• Drunk 1 drops a menu, collects, drops it, collects it.
• Drunk 2 "Is this a date then?"  A conversation ensues.  The Subject looks nervously at us.
• PANIC! WE'RE BUSTED! ABORT MISSION!
• Drunks 1 and 2 make a swift exit.  Lotti retrieves her stolen hat.

  

  Exhibit D:  drunks undercover

• The Subject heads to the Ladies. Lotti gives chase.
• Quick chat, all is well, he is "a lovely guy" Cover not blown.  We stagger our exit so as not to arouse the suspicion of The Date.
• Full focus is returned to The Subject and The Date.
• The Date leans back and preforms a stretch. Cue involuntary stare at his crotch.  Reasonably impressive.
• [Ed. note: The Subject is a fairly active date.  Arm gestures, facial expressions.  She really gives her all]
• The Date heads to the Gent's.  The Subject heads to the bar.  Anett swoops for an interview.  (See video, exhibit E)

Exhibit E: mid-date interview with Subject

• Cue Lotti's frantic arm waving. The Date returns
• As they order another round we decide to close our books and take our leave.  After all, it is a Sunday.
• The verdict? Too soon to tell.

Spying on a Tinder Date List Trumps!

Cost: 2/5 (You have to buy your own drinks, and depending on the contents of your wardrobe, adequate disguises)

Originality: 4/5 (Most people we spoke to found it odd and borderline "creepy")

Fun factor: 3/5 (It's great analysing a friend's date.  Perhaps more fun not on a school night when more alcohol can be consumed.  Or perhaps on a more active date)